Dream Sequence:

I'm in a hotel room with Jorjee and Kim. The hotel is just like the one in the movie 'The Shining'. Jorjee is showing me how to crease a pair of pants with a hot iron. She stands behind me as I fumble with the iron. Jorjee says, "Did you ask her about the music?" I look over my shoulder at Jorjee and say, "Ask who?" Jorjee: "I'm not talking to you. Kim, did you ask her?" Kim answers, "No. Not yet." I say, looking over my shoulder at Jorjee: "Ask ME, you mean?" Jorjee scolds me: "Watch what you're doing! Kim, you need to ask her." I say again, looking over my shoulder at Jorjee: "Are you talking about me?" Jorjee only says: "Watch what you're doing!" So I'm totally frazzled cuz Jorjee keeps yelling at me. When her attention is diverted I sneak out of the room, and find Janis in another room. We start goofing around and jumping on the bed. Then Jorjee and Kim appear in the doorway. I get all freaked out again and pretend I was just standing there on the bed as Janis continues to playfully jump. Jorjee gives me the Evil Eye, then walks away. Kim comes in and shows me a piece of paper. Kim tells me: "We need these songs. Can you find 'em?" As I read it I say: "You want a 50-minute version of 'Margarita Ville'?! I can get you three minutes of music from the Dukes of Hazard show, no problem. It's gonna take some time to get 'Margarita Ville' though..." I guess I worked the black market in this dream.

For the most part, I'm just gonna print it as it all happened that night - hysterical laughing and off-topic banter included. And included will be some of my own comments and side-stories. Also available for the interview was Sarah Flicker, whom I just found out is in the band as well. Hmmm, the last time I saw Sarah was either at a backyard BBQ in San Francisco or when she was wearing a prom gown and a sparkling tiara and hanging from the ceiling. (The latter description being when Sarah was in HOLE's video for the song 'Celebrity Skin'.) As you will see, Sarah helped keep the interview flow smoothly as Kim and Jorjee are rather reluctant rock stars. Kim and Melissa try their best to keep things on topic. And then there's Jorjee...she doesn't let me get away with any of my cheesy rock star journalism - she checks me on all my dorky shit. By the way, when I asked Jorjee over the phone one recent day if she read the interview I did with her sister Yvette she said she had, and that she kinda laughed when she read the part where Yvette talked about her visit to a 'retreat' becuz Jorjee said she never told Yvette to spend her money on clothes instead of on the retreat. "I said she should maybe spend it on therapy," Jorjee told me. "Could you just imagine me telling Yvette something like 'clothes' instead?!" Okay, so with the dog barking, the phone ringing, with the late-night visitors dropping in, and with a Sonny and Cher album blasting in the background here is the funnest interview I didn't even do.

[The rock star trio continue to laugh. Okay, so the film project being talked about here is a script I wrote about 10 years ago called 'What She Wanted (And What She Got)', and everyone who was anyone in San Francisco was acting in it. I got as far as casting and filming the trailer, plus getting thru some rehearsals. But then I ran out of money, and a (ex)friend ran off with my lighting equipment not to mention owing me $2,500. Ultimately, everyone including myself left San Francisco. Funny footnote: Out of a cast of 20, Jorjee was the first one I approached to be in the film, and she was the last one to commit to the project. I thought she hated me. When I tried to give her a script she was all, 'Okay, meet me on 16th Street at 7 'o'clock...' So I went and she was on the other side of town doing something else entirely. I was pissed. On a second attempt to give Jorjee a script, she said 'Okay meet me at my house at 7'o'clock...' So I went and she was out of town. I was pissed. Then I ran into her in the bathroom at some club and I tried to ignore her but she wouldn't let me. That's when she finally said to my face that she'd do the movie. Actually, she called it a 'dyke fest', but assured me she didn't care and would do whatever I wanted. She also gave me some well-placed advice on being more aggressive if I planned on directing such a group of rebels. Right now as I write this Jorjee still does not have a script in her possession. But, I'm not worried.]

ass jokes about dykes in the perimeter. We shrugged it off. However, there was The Jorjee Factor. You don't talk shit about her friends. "Are you telling gay jokes?" Jorjee directed her question to the kids, who then began to quiet down some. "Hey, you...in the red baseball cap. I'm talkin' to YOU..." There was complete silence in the group now. In preparation for The Big Jock Dude to violently answer, I turn around to face the group. I saw that the back of his neck was as red as his baseball cap. "Hey...PUNK...," Jorjee said in a quiet but aggressive tone, which I'd never heard come out of Jorjee before! I was waiting for the Big Jock to turn around in a rage and attack Jorjee...and then I'd have to kill him. But, surprisingly, he only gave a half glance at us tiny chicks as he and his cheerleader mob tipped the fuck out the door. Jorjee ROCKS]

[Here's the deal. Jorjee was working with Metallica - doing their hair and clothes and whatnot I suppose - while they filmed the music video for their song "I Disappear" that is on the 'Mission Impossible-2' soundtrack. There was an MTV special about the filming. Via helicopter, they were all taken up to some kinda bluff in the spectacular mountains of Utah and filmed part of the video up there. When I talked to Jorjee a few days after she got home from that trip she said it was a really cool experience. Either Jorjee's more modest than I thought or the Valium was affecting her memory...]

Now, here is the sweetest thing Sarah did for me: One night she and I were filming a scene for the movie trailer. Her friends who own The Bearded Lady in S.F. let us use the café after closing time. After a few hours of filming, I gave Sarah a ride home. Using the manners my dad taught me, I opened and held the car door for her. Then I locked it, closed it, and walked around to my side. But then, Sarah did the nicest thing in the world. She reached over and unlocked my door for me. Can I just say that none of my girlfriends had ever done that for me in my entire life. So thanks Sarah!]

Kim: "Considering the week you've just had, with whom do you each relate to more: Neeley O'Hara or Carrie White?"
Jorjee: Tonight...Neeley O'Hara...
Kim: That's right! With all the 'dolls' flying around THIS room...
Jorjee: We popped 'dolls' tonight. Except Carrie White...
Kim (yelling out miscellaneous lines from the movie 'Carrie'): 'Eve was weak!' 'They're called breasts mama, every woman has them...'
Sarah (adding the creepiest line in the movie): 'They're all gonna laugh at you!'
Jorjee: Kim, are you Carrie?
Kim: Yes. I'm Carrie White tonight.
Jorjee: You're always Carrie...
[In case you're unaware, Neeley O'Hara is a character in a movie called 'Valley of the Dolls', which is from the campy late '60s and about a group of beautiful starlets hooked on 'dolls' aka pills! And, I think y'all know about Carrie White's demonic but sad high-school-geek story...]
Kim: "What's your favorite John Waters movie?"
Jorjee: Well, you're gonna have to help me. The scratch and sniff one...
['Polyester']
Sarah: Oh, Smell'o'rama...um, 'Pink Flamingos'.
Jorjee: Was it really 'Pink Flamingos'?
Sarah: Yeah, cuz with the talking butt-hole don't they have, like, butt smells...?
Jorjee: It's the one where LuLu is dancing all the time, and she's really slutty. THAT's my favorite one.
['Polyester'...]
Sarah: Which one? 'Pink Flamingos'?
Jorjee: I thought 'Pink Flamingos' was the one where they all lived in the trailer...
Sarah: No no no...
Kim: 'Desperate Living'...
Sarah: 'Desperate Living' is the smelly one...maybe...
Jorjee: No it's not. I like the one with LuLu in it.
['Polyester'!]
Kim: Okay, um...
Melissa: What about you, Kim?
Kim: I don't have one, except maybe 'Hairspray' cuz Debbie Harry is in it.

Kim: "When you hear the song 'You spin me right round baby right round like a record baby right round round round' do you feel totally gay or only kinda gay?"
Jorjee: I feel like a fag-hag.
Kim: Well, I feel totally gay, cuz I'm certainly totally gay...
[There's momentary silence before Kim and Jorjee start giggling]
Kim: Sarah declines to answer...
[I swear, I wasn't on orange juice and methadone when I mused that question. I actually was trying to make a point that there's certain songs - "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, anything by The Supremes - that make straight people and gay girls and even cats and dogs feel totally faggy, like a fluttering drag queen with smeared eye make-up and tangled hair. So I guess I asked the question the wrong way...I didn't mean to interrogate my friends with such a 'straight' face, so, um, sorrrrray...]

Kim: My LEAST favorite is 'Jailhouse Rock' cuz he's such an asshole in that movie.
Sarah: He is?
Jorjee: But the singing is the coolest, right?
Kim: What, the dancing scene? Yeah, that's fine but he's such an asshole. How can you have a main character whose such a jerk and you're supposed to like him?

Kim (back to being the interviewer): "Favorite Blondie song..."
Jorjee: I like "Rip Her To Shreds".
Melissa: Kim?
Kim: Either "I Didn't Have The Nerve To Say No" or "Presence, Dear".
Jorjee: It shows that you're a musician and I'm a bitch...
Kim: Sarah?
Sarah: I would probably say "Rip Her To Shreds" too.

Kim: "Jorjee, a couple years ago I saw you and Asia modeling in some magazine...see! I told you you're 'model material'..."
Sarah (laughing): Was it for, um...
Jorjee: First of all, I WASN'T 'modeling'...
Sarah: Was it that lesbian magazine...
Jorjee: Yeah.
Sarah: We ALL modeled in that. Every month we were in that magazine.
Jorjee: Yeah, and we didn't WANT to. Our friend took pictures of us for our books, and she sent the magazine HER book to say 'Look at my work, can I work for you' and the magazine printed her photos (of Jorjee, Sarah, etc.)
Sarah: What was the magazine called?
Jorjee: One of the photos was of Asia and I, and I was pretending to be a burlesque dancer.
Kim: This was a lesbian magazine?
Jorjee: Yeah, 'Girlfriends' (November, 1998)
Kim: Oh, the glossy one.
Jorjee: Horrible magazine...
Sarah (laughing): Jorjee, it was fine...
Jorjee: It was a DUMB magazine, don't ya think?
Kim: It wasn't representative of me and MY lifestyle, but other than that...
Sarah: I don't know.
Kim (continuing the question): ...And "Do you think you'd wanna do anymore stuff like that?"
Jorjee: Sure. I'd love to model for horrible magazines. Every month when I would get a manila envelope in the mail I'd be so excited. I'd be, 'Oh my gawd, WHO sent me WHAT' and I'd open it up and it'd be FUCKING 'Girlfriends'.
Sarah: And you were always in it.
[Okay look, I don't ordinarily read those dorky dyke magazines. I only bought the one Jorjee mentions cuz her and Asia were in it. I prefer to read GEAR Magazine, just so ya know. So, anyhow, someone knocks on the door. Drew barks viciously. I think it's Sarah's boy-toy, Kolbe. I don't know for sure though cuz they NEVER introduce him. But I already know I like him cuz he didn't talk much. And I don't know where Melissa was all this time, but she's back now and continues to conduct the interview.]

Melissa: "On purely a style-level, which movie is better - 'Some Like It Hot' or the rock opera 'HAIR'?"
Jorjee: I don't like 'HAIR', so I'll have to say 'Some Like It Hot'. I don't like the fashions in 'HAIR'. They're too contrived.
Kim: Wasn't 'HAIR' the one with the naked scenes? What kind of fashion is THAT...?
Sarah: We like 'Jesus Christ Superstar'.
Jorjee: Yeah, 'Jesus Christ Superstar' is way better.
Kim: 'Some Like It Hot' was good becuz it had all the Flapper outfits and hats. And they were so ahead of their time as far as what was going on in the drag queen scene.

Melissa: "Why are movies made prior to 1980 usually better? Is it the directors, the lack of a pop soundtrack...?"
Kim: No, that's not true. There were a lot of pop soundtracks.
Kolbe: Yeah, there were tons.
Kim: It's true that maybe the color was different. Did you ever notice that in '70s movies?
Sarah: The film stock's different.
Kim: Yeah, the '70s movies were more muted colors.
Jorjee: 'Jesus Christ Superstar'!
Sarah: Yeah, it all had to do with 'Jesus Christ Superstar'...
Jorjee: But, actually, could you read that question again...(after hearing it a second time) Yeah, I think it's film. I think it's Kodachrome film.
Kim: I think it's cinemascope.
Jorjee: Indie movies really happened in the '70s. And I think in the '80s they got all wrapped up in the Hollywood thing.
Sarah: Yeah. The narrative changed. They tried to capitalize on it. It's that thing where they try to do something cool over and over and over again, and then it's not cool anymore.
Kim: That's a good explanation.

Melissa: "Can you recommend a movie that you think is cool? I have a date this weekend and I don't know what else to do with her..."
Jorjee: Take her to a movie? What?
Kim: She said can you recommend a movie...
Sarah: Wait, what's the question?
[The question gets repeated, then there's momentary silence]
Jorjee: She's so clever becuz she wrote this months and months ago. All she wants to know is what movie we think is cool.
Sarah: She's trying to personalize the question.
[After Jorjee analyzes my writing technique, an uninspired discussion about the question takes place. Jorjee abruptly dismisses the topic by suggesting I take my date to see Nosferatu...and I don't even like Vampires! Ultimately, the question never ends up getting answered. I think maybe the Valium has kicked in...]

Melissa: "With what song do you give your best performance when y'all go to a karaoke bar?"
Kim: Theme from All In The Family...(HUGE round of laughs - I guess they've all heard Kim's rendition) I do a mean Edith...
Sarah: You do a good Neil Diamond, Jorj...
Kim: Yeah, but you always do "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me"
Jorjee: Yeah, when I cry. Elton John's "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me".

Melissa: "What is the one CD / tape / album / 8-track that, in your opinion, still sounds good today after 20 or more years?"
Jorjee: Beggar's Banquet.
[Either Kim or Melissa say White Album]
Sarah: Jesus Christ Superstar.

Melissa: She says, "Check this out. There's an indie movie called 'She's So Lovely' with Sean Penn and Robin Wright. Robin Wright looks A LOT like Kim in this flick, man. And not only that! Her best friend is a chick named Georgie! Coincidence? As you know, Sean and Robin live in the San Francisco area... Another coincidence?"
Kim: Well...
Jorjee: But what's the question?
Melissa: She's just sayin'...coincidence...
Kim: I think not! How's that for an answer.
Jorjee: And I think you watch crazy movies, Danise...
Sarah: No, it's a good movie. I saw it.
Melissa: Does the girl look like Kim?
Sarah: No. I mean, maybe a little with this haircut right now.
Kim: I've never seen the girl but people have told me before that I look like her.
Sarah: Your noses are very different.
Jorjee: I just can't answer this one. Can we skip it?

Melissa: Here's one for Jorjee. "Do you ever watch Nash Bridges cuz you miss San Francisco?"
Jorjee: Never!
Kim: But, do you remember Too Close For Comfort?
Jorjee: Yeah!
Kim: When I was in England for a year I watched it all the time cuz I was so homesick.
Jorjee: When I was in San Francisco for, like, my LIFE I watched it all the time cuz I loved it. I watched it no matter what.
Sarah: It was based in San Francisco?
Kim: Yeah. It was the only American show I watched there.
Jorjee: The lady had really cool feathered hair.
Kolbe: Wait, which?
Kim: That was the one where the guy was a cartoonist, he wore the cow puppet on his hand when he drew the cartoons. And he had his wife and two daughters who lived there. And there was the faggy type guy who lived downstairs who always came over to bother them.
Jorjee: I remember the two girls who were supposedly sisters, one had bleached blonde hair and the other one had a big overbite and brown hair. They looked nothing alike.

Melissa: "When I say 'punk rock' tell me what comes to mind, okay? Okay. PUNK ROCK!"
Sarah: Stacey Quijas.
Kim: Exene.
Jorjee: FUCK YOU.

Melissa: "What movie is funnier than 'Romy and Michelle'?"
Kim: 'Young Frankenstein'.
Sarah: A lotta things, I'm sure...
Jorjee: 'Fast Times At Ridgemont High'. I'm only thinking equivalent to...

[One foggy day Kim invited me over to her pad cuz she wanted to introduce me her filmmaker friend Charlotte. While waiting for this chick we go down the street to get something to eat. When we get back to Kim's pad no one is waiting for us, so she asks if I wanna watch a funny movie. Sure, why not. I'm thinking maybe she'll bring out 'This Is Spinal Tap' or a Woody Allen flick from the '70s. Kim pops in a video of some black and white movie. I feel a frown form on my mug. I hate black and white movies, unless it's specifically 'Sunset Boulevard' or 'The Bad Seed' or 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf'. But, Kim is my friend. I have to trust her. Within the first 15 minutes my eyes are tearing cuz I'm laughing so fucking hard. Every time I look over at Kim to see if she's laughing as hard as me she only has a big ass grin on her face. She's sitting there, smoking and seems rather proud of her entertainment choice. The movie is 'Born Yesterday' with Judy Holiday and William Holden. Kim is content with watching me try not to piss myself during my fits of laughter. I guess she'd seen this movie more than a few times.]

Melissa: Here's a good one, "If I were a bartender and you were a drink, what would I call you?"
Jorjee: E-Z
Sarah: Easy like Sunday morning...
Kim: You could probably call me...Soda Water.
Sarah: Sort of Outsiders-esque...
Jorjee: Oh yeah, Soda Pop and Pony Boy.

Melissa: "What is your favorite AbFab episode?"
Kim: Eeewwww, the one where she gets her face peeled! Or, the one where they stick the nicotine patches on the daughter.
Jorjee: I like when they separate, and the brown-haired lady goes to a Buddhist retreat and the other lady picks her up in a helicopter.

Melissa: "Would you rather spend the day with Angelina Jolie..."
Jorjee: NO!
Melissa: "...hanging out in swinging London town, or with me wearing cowboy hats?"
Jorjee: You!
Sarah: Danise!
Jorjee: With you Danise!
[That, of course, was the answer I was fishin' for. Let's reverse the Q & A...]

Kim: When is the movie gonna be made?
Sarah: Yeah, we wanna star in our movie. Kim and I will be more professional than on our one rehearsal...I swear!
[Um, I've been researching DV Cams. And I've also been talking to various production companies over the last year. Not happy with their input. So, we're on our own, again. And I need to figure out where I'm gonna license myself and apply for application, in California or Arizona. I'll get back to ya on this...]

Jorjee: And, what are you doing there?! [I'm being a big slut in a small town. But when I'm not doing that, I'm busy building my house. Remember?] And are you hot in Phoenix?
Kim: No, she's not. She's hot in TUCSON.
[THANK YOU KIM! Yeah, it's a little toasty out here but today it was only 106 degrees.]
Sarah: Is your skin drier than it was in San Francisco?
Jorjee: It's GOTTA be. Have you got a humidifier? I heard those help.
[Yes, my skin was totally fucked up for, like, 3 months. It was horrible.]
Kim: Have you been to the Rain Tree? Remember the Rain Tree? The cowboy lady in white who pulled shampoo out of her holster?
Jorjee: No, but do you remember the bathrooms when we were on tour?!
Kim: Yeah!
Jorjee: They had the best bathrooms there.
Sarah: Nevermind, Danise...

EPILOUGE:

Transcribing this interview was not the easiest thing in the world, but it was interesting. There was a lot of cross conversations and A LOT of laughing. Sometimes there were only 3 people in the room, other times there were four people and by the end of the night there were five people...and usually all talking at the same time! Jorjee being the most talented conversationalist - she's able to distinguish several sounds at once. I've witnessed this first hand, someone talking at her in a crowded and LOUD rock club and then, like, me and some friends will come up and have a conversation right beside her and she'd jump into our conversation for a minute when she's hears something of interest, then without missing a beat continue her initial conversation!
When Kim and Jorjee aren't rocking my world they're making me giggle with their one-liners and their story-telling and their not-so-shy antics. They're talented, smart, funny, and beautiful...and I'd marry 'em both if I were taller.
Anyhow, in August I took one of my annual trips to L.A. Jorjee invited me to a backyard shindig. It was a lovely night for beer and non-stop giggling. Kim and Melissa said they have finally settled into their new city; Jorjee said she had just finished working on a movie called 'The Anniversary Party' starring Jennifer Jason Leigh - the Queen of Cinema; Parker Posey - a great bitch character in 'Dazed and Confused' amongst others; Alan Cumming - I'm sure he's done greater things (like 'Cabaret' on the stage) but loved him in 'Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion'; and, John C. Reilly - the King of Cinema; and last but not least, Sarah was about start a movie the following week.
This ain't the last you've heard from these chicks...cuz this is my fucking website and I'll write about 'em as often as I wanna.Photo by Jessica Tanzer